Wednesday, April 21, 2021

International Dad Jokes.

One of my brothers sent this meme/questionaire to me recently, and I have to say, I guess I'm pretty dad.

I guess I'm pretty darned dad.


Many of these "witticisms" are things I say on the regular   (Hmmmm, on the regular is not on this list.)

I looked this over with my 12 year old son, and we counted 8 on the list that he recognizes as mine, and those I  mostly learned from my dad.  I thought of them as loving nods to the way I was raised, but perhaps they are just incessant ear worms (memes for you younger folk) 

"Looks Like We'll have to amputate"

Actually, I just used a variation of this joke at the doctor in Spain.  My son had a slight fever (we think Strep, although the test came back negative.  It was not Covid.)  We visited the doctor twice. On the return trip, in my very bad Spanish, I asked as seriously as possible "Es necessito amputado?"  The doctor smiled, recognizing this apparently international dad joke.  

"Let's rock and roll"

I actually usually say "Let's rock and/or roll"  which is a reference to a Simpson's episode that I've long since forgotten.  I am also known to say "Let's G"  "Let's make like a tree and leave."  "Let's make like a bakery truck and haul buns."  and "Let's make like a hockey player and get the puck out of here."

"What's the damage"

When I do this, it's usually accompanied by a clown double-take when looking at the bill, or a Fred Sanford "It's the Big One Elizabeth" stagger while clutching my heart.  One day I might have an actual heart attack while looking at the bill, and then the joke will be on me.

"No, your other right."

I don't associate this with something I use as a dad.  This is a joke I almost exclusively use when teaching clowning and physical comedy to people.  It turns out, a lot of people (especially kids) don't know the difference between left and right, and just follow the cues of what the teacher is doing.  And since they are facing me, they actually do need to use the other right.  (Although sometimes I do demonstrate backwards, just to confuse them!)

"Just resting my eyes"

My dad used to say this all the time while laying on the couch watching a baseball game... and snoring.  I am not that far behind him really.  Well, I don't really watch baseball.  More likely to be watching Netflix or "Critical Role."

"That's how they get you."
This might be one of my most used expressions.  I don't just use it about warranties, I use it about nearly everything. Yes, I've turned into that jokey conspiracy theory dad. Of course they are going to get you.

I inherited a few other sayings from my dad that didn't make the list.

"Hands down by your sides-- like a soldier." 
If he was inspecting you to make sure you were properly dressed, or if you were trying to hide something, he'd say that.

"Pay attention- there will be a quiz later."
If you aren't looking or paying attention

"I gave him the one-five, the one-five, (he gave me the 2,3,4 back.)"

This was kind of a joke, because my dad had a very brief stint as a boxer. (at least that's what I've been told)  He was a tall thin guy at the time with extra long arms, and I guess that was attractive at the time.  He didn't like being hit, or hurt, so he quickly gave it up.  

So what did your dad say to you?  And what are you saying to your kids?  Let me know in the comments.

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