My Wife Has Returned To Us

As you may remember from a previous post (or if you live nearby, the strange and plaintive wails that have been emanating from my house in the night-time) my wife has been away for the past 3 weeks.

Barcelona is full of amazing architecture.

She was teaching digital marketing in Barcelona, and by all accounts having a great time of it, seeing the city, soaking up the ambiance, basking (or should that be Basquing?) in the warm Spanish sun, eating jamon and olives.  Meanwhile, my son and I were shivering in the cold that makes up Chicago winter  (the winter has been relatively mild, but there were a few cold days, and I am exaggerating for dramatic effect.  I am a thespian, so sue me!)

We picked her up last night from the airport, and I have to say that  it was/is great to have her back.  In fact, so much so that my son wept when she opened the door of the car, and insisted that she sit in the back with him for the 45 minute ride home for the airport.  (Apparently I do not rate as more than a glorified Lyft driver.  And I didn't even get a tip!)

So he wept when she left, and he wept when she returned, but in between, there was very little weeping about missing mom.  We were pretty busy, and we went on some fun adventures. In the  3 weeks that she was gone, we did the following:

• saw 5 plays (Romeo and Juliet, Year I Didn't Go To School, Hamilton, The Illusionists, and Actor's Gymnasium circus show Quest)
• saw 1 movie in cinema (Lego Batman) and 4 movies at home( first 2 Indiana Jones movies, Newsies, & The Princess Bride,)
•  drove to Indiana over President's day to hang out at the farm with cousins.
• celebrated his half birthday with cousins.
•  checked out a new Ninja warrior place.
• had 5 playdates with friends.
• visited my wife's ailing Grandmother three times, once in the Hospital.

My son and I at Hamilton!
My wife missed it due to being abroad
(hmmmm... she's always a broad!)

This is in addition to all of the regular stuff we do, like go to fencing class, speed skating practice, Sunday School, and Pilates class. And homework.

In short, we kept our days filled.  And it's not like we didn't have any contact with her when she was in Barcelona. Thanks to  the wonders of modern technology, we probably face-timed once every two/three days, got taken on a tour of her apartment, and even saw the streets of Barcelona.

Even with the busyness and the facetiming, there was still plenty of room to miss my wife.

Here are a few takeaways from spending this 3 week foray into being single.

TAKEAWAYS FROM 3 WEEKS OF BEING A SINGLE PARENT

1) I'M GLAD I'M NOT A SINGLE PARENT

While my workload as the primary caregiver of my son did not change dramatically while my wife was away (I do all the cooking and cleaning and carting already) There is something to be said for having even a tiny break from the drama of raising a kid.  Being able to chill out for a couple of minutes without having to worry is a luxury, and one that I like.  I got a fair amount of chill out time with her gone, but not enough.  And I only have one kid.  If I had more, and I was single, not sure how I would stay sane.

2) I LOVE MY WIFE

I already knew this, but it was reinforced.  It's not just the man/woman time that I missed (although I did, and quite frankly I often miss that when she's here!) It's the sharing of life's adventures together.  I know that she really wishes that I was there to see some of the things she saw in Barcelona, and I really wished she'd been to the plays, or seen our son's amazing love for doing Ninja stuff.  Yes, she got to see it on Instagram, but it's not the same thing.

The bear conquers the mini-warped wall at @windy_city_ninjas

A post shared by Adam G (@kafclown) on Mar 7, 2017 at 6:45am PST

3) I AM CONTENT BEING BY MYSELF

This might sound like it contradicts point two above, but it doesn't.  I missed my wife, and I love my wife, but I also like being by myself.  Not having to squabble over what show to watch, or having a discussion about who is going to take a shower first, or even not asking me to turn down my computer when I'm watching my show in one room while she watches television in our bed was pretty glorious.  Overall though, I'd rather squabble than be alone.

4) MY WIFE USES A LOT OF RESOURCES

I always suspected that my wife has more dirty clothes, more dirty plates, and uses a disproportionate amount of toilet paper.  Her 3 weeks away show me that I was right.

We buy Charmin in bulk quantities.
Now I know why!

•  I went from doing a load of laundry 5 days a week when she is here to doing laundry twice a week.
•  I typically do the dishes once a day when she's here, I did them 3 times a week while she was gone.
• We went through 3 rolls of toilet paper in the 3 weeks she was gone, instead of 2 rolls + a week typically.

I still love you darling, but in this squabble,  like most others, I am right.

My Wife Has Left Us.*

The bad news is my wife has left us*.

















* The good news is it is for only 3 weeks!

Although we have had our share of marital discord, fortunately, we are not at that state of permanent leaving. (At least I hope not!)

My wife took a gig teaching at a new business school in Barcelona Spain for 3 weeks.  The school is Harbour Space , a new European university, and she's teaching her expertise- digital marketing.  It was a great opportunity for her, and I encouraged her to do it.  (As she would encourage me to take a great gig, should it arrive.)

She flew out yesterday and arrived today.

They are so cool they don't have a logo, but a video backdrop!

This will be the longest that she's been apart from us (or me) in 8 years certainly, but maybe all 13 years of our history. ( I may have gone on tour for 3 weeks during one of those years, so maybe I was away longer.  )  It's still a long time to be away.

And it is a long time to be a single dad.

I think it will be either a very quick 3 weeks or a very long 3 weeks, and it all kind of depends on how stuff goes. I don't anticipate many problems, as I do most of the everyday care-giving now.

 But problems happen,  emergencies occur, and sh-t goes down. I am sure there will be some moments when my son will bug me beyond belief, and I'll be wishing for a couple of moments to myself.  Or when I will need her cool-headed advice about some thorny parenting problem.  Or when my son injures himself and cries out for his momma and she isn't there. Or when I haven't gotten all the things done I want to get done, who will I blame?   Or when I need her loving embrace around my throb---  this is a family blog! 

Oh my God, how will I ever survive!

* Please note the asterisk on the title.

I think it will be fine.  When I dropped her off at the airport, he was crying and crying.  But it only lasted about two minutes.  By the time we left the airport, we were over the crying which is exactly where we should have been.  Today, we facetimed from her sweet little apartment on the Barcelona Ramblas, and he was excited for about a minute, and then left to read his book.  I think the boy will be fine! And so will I.

Like anything, it's a step at a time.  We are planning extra play dates, extra time with local family members, some fun movie time, some fun theatre time, and some special dad time. And some time in just doing what we do- it will be an object lesson in how you can't have everything you want whenever you want it.  Because that's the fact of life.  It will work out.  We will survive.

If you've got some extra-special single dad tips, please post them in the comments.