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Image of the Torah, the ancient Jewish scroll, from Wikimedia Commons. |
http://www.dadapalooza.com/2017/04/passover-has-passed-me-over.html
In that blog post I talked about the fact that I have conflicting desires in terms of religion. On one hand, as a parent, I want my son to be knowledgeable about religion, to find spirituality, to find a purpose in the world, a place in the world, and religion is supposed to be the thing that helps you do that. I also want him to be connected to Judaism, and the struggle of our ancestors, handed down over 5000 years to live in God's good graces.
On the other hand, I personally haven't been able to get any of those things from organized religion. I don't really believe, and I find it an imposition and a lie to go and do stuff I don't believe in. I feel like I am trying to please my dead mother, who in turn was trying to please her dead mother. I want to get off the dead-mother-pleasing train.
Well, it's now the High Holy Days (where four big religious holidays happen in quick succession- Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), Sukkot (the Harvest Festival) and Simchat Torah, a celebration of the Torah. (And the fact that I know this is proof of my Jewish education)
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"Two paths diverged in a wood." Of course, there are always more than two paths. Photo from Wikimedia |
I have a fair amount of internal turmoil about this, and it has become external as well. My disdain for synagogue earned me a fairly angry tongue lashing from my wife who essentially told me "suck it up cupcake. " "He takes his cues from you, and if you are disdainful, then so will he be." (She didn't exactly say that, but close enough.)
I can't deny that it isn't true, but at the same time, I'm in a moral quandary. Fake it til you make it means me rotely going to synagogue and practicing Judaism that I don't feel so that my son can be force fed information and a worldview that is both his heritage and something I don't wholeheartedly embrace on the off chance that it is his worldview. And he'd be going to please me and his mom, something I don't see as a good parenting tactic.
On the other hand, like it or not, it is our heritage, and he needs to know something about it, and maybe if I struggle with it, then he will think about it. And what's more Jewish than anguishing over moral quandaries for days? The Talmud, which is a centuries old interpretation of the Torah, says, "If there are two Jews, there are three opinions." (Well, I'm not sure if it actually says that, but it ought to.)
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The Talmud. It's all in Hebrew, if you want some English, check out Amazon's The Essential Talmud |
At any rate-- my son's Hebrew school has an open house this week, and we are going, whether he likes it or not. It's about as non-religious as one can get (It's the Workman's Circle school, which is kind of secular Judaism. ) Meanwhile, I'm reluctantly going to synagogue, because I don't want to shut that door.
Got any thoughts or wisdom to lay down on me? Would love to hear it.
Wishing you all a happy Jewish New Year, an easy fast, or just a happy day if you are a believer not so much.
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