Since I've become a dad, I've sought camaraderie within a number of organizations and groups that cater to dads.
I also belong to a number of mom communities, and general parenting communities as well, but the dad ones speak a little more to me, have helped me find my Tribe of Dads
Here's a list of just some of the Dad Communities I belong to:
City Dads Group http://www.citydadsgroup.com
When I was a newbie father, I discovered a cool meetup group that had started a few months before I became a dad-- the NYC Dads Group. Founded by Lance Somerfeld (and then quickly joined by his partner Matt Schneider) the NYC Dads Group went from about 100 dads when I joined to a 22 city network of dads that number in the thousands.
When I lived in NY I was very involved in the organization (I was one of the first co-hosts of its podcast The Modern Dads Podcast, and I still occasionally contribute) I was the cultural coordinator, so organized a few meetups, and as well I was a pretty frequent contributor to their blog.
Since I've moved to Chicago, I've become involved in the local chapter Chicago Dad's Group, and write for their blog (local and national) and also do some cultural coordination. Of course, my son is older now, and my need for hooking up with other dads has lessened a little bit. It's still a great organization, and I think an essential group to belong to if you are an involved dad or a primary caregiver, especially a newbie. Although it's organized online, the heart of the group is face to face meetups.
I've attended every one of these blogging conferences so far. Founded by Doug French and John Pacini, it's an annual conference where influencer dads (bloggers, youtubers, snapchatters, periscopers, tweeters, facebookers, and instagrammista's) meet corporate brands and have conversations about influence, about policy and culture, and about working together. I'm a tiny fish in this pretty large pond (but still a pond compared to the Ocean that is Mom blogging conferences, including its sister conference http://www.mom2summit.com, which I've also attended.) I love going every year because I love the dads that go, and some of the guys I've met at this conference have turned into relatively close chums (considering they live around the world) It's really a must-go conference for me. Life Of Dadhttp://www.lifeofdad.com
Life of Dad is a blogging platform and community. They offer a forum, a blogging platform, a podcast, a videocast On their site you can start a blog, start a conversation, watch a video, and meet hundreds of other parents. I've met most of the founders at Dad 2.0, and they are good guys. I've also recently started working with them as an influencer partner-- ie, they occasionally put me up for blogging or other influencer work. If you don't have a dad blog yet, I think it's a great starter place to check out and see if you like blogging. There are lots of helpful people on site, and the community is great.
Started by sadly now-deceased friend Oren Miller (Blogger Father), this group has grown to over 1000 guys all who have blogs. It's a closed group, meaning you have to be approved, and primarily to do that, go to the site, and send a message, with a link to your blog. The basic rules of the conference are to not be a dick, and for the most part, that works. There are share threads (threads where you can share your blog posts) and lots of helpful people. It can get a little raucous, and occasionally a little dick-jokey, but it's one of the best ways to meet a whole bunch of dad bloggers all at once. National At-Home Dad Networkhttp://athomedad.org/
This is a conference and advocacy group that helps connect at-home dads with each other, with best practices, education, support, and community. It has an annual conference every year (but sadly I've never gone-- it always conflicts with something-- in the past it was the Jewish holidays-- this year it's my hard fought tickets to Hamilton.) I know a lot of the organizers, and they are smart, compassionate, and very eager to help. If you are an At-Home Dad, I can highly recommend this group.
These are great resources to start with if you are a dad looking for your tribe.
Please list links to your community(ies) in the comments!
I recently contributed to the Modern Dads Podcast in an episode about loss and death.
The episode, entitled On Loss, has 5 dads (myself included) talking about the loss of a parent and how they explained it to their children.
It's a very moving episode about a hard topic, so be prepared with a couple of tissues when you listen to it. (My part comes about 6 minutes in, but listen to the whole thing. It's only 18 minutes long, and it's wonderful.) Other contributors include Lance Somerfeld (founder of CityDads) Whit Honea, Jason Greene, and Josh Kross, who originated the idea.
I've included the text of what I contributed below the podcast embed if you are interested in reading it.
Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
Dealing with Death by Adam Gertsacov
Me and my dad
My parents never knew my son. My dad died when I was 22 in a car accident, and my mom died 22 years later, about 10 days after we found out we were pregnant (But before we told anyone)
My son does have both (or rather all three) of his grandparents on my wife’s side, and up until he was about 4, his great grandparents on my wife's side were also intact. So he knows about grandparents,
My mom Karel Gertsacov
I wanted him to know about my parents, so from the time he was small, I’ve been telling him stories about my dad and about my mom. When we’ve visited Rhode Island, we’ve gone to their gravesites and laid stones on their graves (as is the Jewish custom).
When he was four and a half, his great grandfather (Great Hank) passed away at the age of 98. My son knew him, in the way that you know all your elderly relatives when you are a kid. You say hello, you were polite, you hoped for a dollar.
We traveled from NY to the funeral, and although we weren’t sure, we decided to bring him to the funeral (and to the interment) with us.
My wife and I talked about it, and we decided we wouldn’t sugar coat death or make up weird stories about how Great Hank was on an extended vacation. We decided to talk to him about it, maybe not with all the gory details, but to answer any questions that he had, to let him participate in the process. We felt that not talking about it, or talking down to him about it, would do everybody involved, including him and the deceased person, a dis-service.
At the cemetery my son was sad but very matter of fact about it, and it didn’t seem to phase him too much. Great Hank was here, and now he’s not. He’s in the box in the ground. Dad, you are sad. Mom is crying. Can I give you a hug? Can I go play now?
Great Hank
I thought that maybe he didn’t understand the permanence of death, but about 6 months later, we were in the car driving home from kindergarten, and he started asking me questions about my mom’s funeral, and if she was in a box too, like Great Hank. And if one day I would be in a box, if he would be in a box.
I answered him straightforwardly, forthrightly, yes, everybody dies, I’m going to die, you are going to die, mom is going to die, but it’s a long way away, and you can’t worry about it now.
He thought about it for a minute and then said, “Dad, when you are in a box I will come and visit you.”
I nearly swerved off the road.
Joey The Cat
About 6 months after that our cat Joey died. He didn’t go into a box, but he got made into ashes that we spread across the farm he was born on in Indiana.
There were tears and there was sadness but my son, now age five and a half, knew the score.
And still now, two years later, we talk about my mom, and about Great Hank, and about Joey the cat with the fondest of memories.
It's the morning after the event, and I am in my hotel room thinking about the great weekend I just experienced in the company of 400+ dads, and what I want to take away from it (aside from the fair amount of swag that I was given by the sponsors)
This was my fifth Dad 2.0 Summit, and next year will be my sixth: I already bought my ticket for the next shindig, which will happen in San Diego Feb 2-4, 2017 (Superbowl weekend!) [You can buy your ticket for $99 (or $119, with a $20 donation to the Oren Miller Scholarship fund) That price is good for the next 36 hours or so. BUY TICKETS ON EVENTBRITE
They haven't picked the hotel yet, but they've got a couple of strong possibilities, and truthfully the event could be held in a Super 8 motel and would still be pretty great. (Although I seriously doubt that a Super 8 motel has the kind of conference space necessary to put 400+ guys.)
Enough shilling: here are my takeaways/extra special moments for this year's Dad 2.0 Summit.
This was a pledge that Dove Men+Care asked us to make as WE THE DADS. Their #REALSTRENGTH movement celebrates Dads as heroes not for their physical strength, but for their character and ability to stay involved. #AWESOMESAUCE
KEYNOTES:
The three keynotes were quite good (as to be expected) All of them had a great sense of humor and were well-spoken about their topics.
Brad Meltzer, who is an author, spoke about Legacy and about Heroes. He's written a series of Heroes books for kids called I WAS... (Amelia Earhart, Abraham Lincoln, etc) that look really good. The takeway from his speech was "Live like you want to be remembered."
Michael Strahan, charismatic host of morning shows and former NFL superstar, had a similar message. But the takeaway that I got from him was "Be relaxed, be yourself, and be willing to try something and fail." He talked about the fact that he didn't get cosmetic surgery to fix his gap-tooth, although he considered it. He decided to like himself He also talked about his dad: Great quote "My dad is a when guy, not an if guy. It's when you finish college, not if you finish college." He surprised me-- I thought he'd be good, but he was a more heartfelt and honest speaker than I thought he would be (which may have to do more with my own pre-conceived notions of tv personalities and football players than anything else) Derreck Kayongo, a former Ugandan refugee who ended up creating a non-profit to give 10,000,000 lbs of barely used re-constituted hotel soap to 3rd world countries (the soap would otherwise have gone away as trash) He recently became the CEO of a Human rights organization in Atlanta. I had met him at a previous Dad 2.0 and he was a compelling and funny speaker. His story is hard to listen to, but at the same time so compelling. And at the end he led us in a Ugandan song, in which he admonished us not to sing like an Episcopalian priest.
Here's my not so great video of the song:
LETTERS FROM THE DEAD:
the late Oren Miller
Perhaps the most chilling moving moment of the entire event was Oren Miller's widow Beth reading a letter that Oren wrote to himself in 2010. Oren had gotten into the habit of writing letters to his 10 year later future self on his birthday. After Oren died, Beth was cleaning up his computer and discovered these letters/emails/notes to himself. She read one of them, which was supposed to go to his 47 year old self. As she read and he talked about his kids, and his wife, and a few other things, I started bawling like a baby. And I was not alone. Nearly everyone in the room was bawling.
I talked to a bunch of people afterward, and we all agree that it was such a moving and visceral experience to hear that letter read. We didn't talk too much about why, but here's my thought: It was not because his writing was so good (although it was). But because of the ineffablelossI felt for him, and the feeling of my own mortality. As she read, I couldn't help realize quite forcefully that none of us knows what the future will bring. 10 years from now, I could be dead too. (or living in Canada, if Trump gets elected.) I love the idea of writing letters to my future self in this same vein, although I am not sure I'd want my wife (or anyone else) to read them.
I had another friend die recently, and I am sure if I were to read his notes to himself, I would feel the same way. Perhaps its my age, but this hit me right where I live.
NOTE TO SELF: start destroying anything I'm ashamed of and would never want anyone to find when I die. (Goodbye, Hello Kitty diary.)
JUST TRY IT
I've been thinking a lot about doing some new stuff, and one of them has been a DAILY SONNET project, where I write or read a sonnet everyday. I talked some to Randall Chase, who is a Periscope expert, and he suggested just trying it. So last night I periscoped Sonnet #1 from Shakespeare. I had no viewers during the periscope. But when I talked to my wife the next day, she said, "Aaron saw your sonnet and loved it-- he wants to know where is Sonnet #2?" I think I'll be continuing the experiment!
Here's the video of that: (It's raw, and an experiment, so cut me some slack)
The point is: Just try stuff and see what happens!
COMMUNITY
There were lots of other great things, and lots of great content, but for me, the #1 reason I keep on coming is the community. Being in a community of these great dads (many of whom are also great writers and raconteurs) is just plain exhilarating. As a dad, you have your wife as a person to talk with, but she's your wife. You are related to her.
Having colleagues-- work friends, if you will- that I can just hang out with for a few days, talk about parenting, and comic books, and make slightly obscure references to obscurer movies and books, and even on occasion talk about our hopes and dreams with-- this is why I want to come back to Dad 2.0
To quote a former president-- It's the Community Stupid.
Just some of the great guys from Dad 2.0-- this is from the #citydads meetup citydadsgroup.com
As I've done in years past, I'm going to be attending the Dad 2.0 Summit in Washington DC this weekend. I've attended every year they've had it. I think it's the best blogging conference that I attend (and I've attended quite a few over the years, although I've been slowing down the last couple of years.)
You can read my roundups and takeaways of previous conferences, but I think it's the best primarily because of the size. It's small enough that you (and by this I mean me) can really make connections with other bloggers and with brand representatives. I'm not a blogger with a huge following-- I have a couple of hundred loyal followers, but it's not like I'm a blogging celebrity. And I'm not writing this blog to make money. I make a little here and there, but most of what I make goes into either the hosting costs or attending conferences like this!)
I write to share my ideas and opinions, and to bond with other families who might be interested in engaging in conversation. And this conference is great for that.
The big difference for me is that of course this is aimed at me directly as a dad. (Most of the blogger conferences are aimed at women-- there's a huge disconnect sometimes in the message.)
Just some of the great Dad Bloggers I've met through Dad 2.0. I'm in the Green Jacket 4th from the right.
There's also a social element, and I look forward to seeing these guys who I have met and hung out with multiple times over the years. I've made some real friends at the conference.
I'm also looking forward to meeting new guys, so if you are new to the conference, please stop me and say Hi!
Of course, a conference like this needs SPONSORS. The conference cost would be a lot more (and probably a lot less interesting) if the sponsors didn't show up.
Below is the list of BRANDS/SPONSORS who will be in attendance: (some of them are in-kind sponsors or media sponsors- I think that means they didn't pay anything to attend, which is perfectly okay with me, as long as they are bringing something of value to the conversation.)
Many of these brands are in it for the long haul. They've sponsored multiple years, they've really tried to engage with dads and issues around being a dad, and they are in general good people.
If you're already a fan of these brands, give them some twitter love, and if you don't yet know them, get to know them. They are on the side of the good guys, and dads everywhere will thank you. (At least this dad will!)
Child Passenger Safety Week is this week September 13-19 (and it will culminate on September 19 with National Seat Check Saturday!)
In honor of the occasion, I wrote a story for the City Dads Group blog about an accident that the bear and I had, and why he will be in a 5 point harness until he learns to drive.
That being said, I realize that you can't always bring a bulky car seat everywhere you go. I'd also like to point out a couple of alternative safety systems. One which we use all the time is great, especially when you are traveling. And one that is just being made, and we are going to try.
Please note, the vest to the right is NOT A 5 point harness vest. But it's better than nothing when traveling.
It's called the RIDE SAFER. We've had ours since he was 5 (over 40 lbs), and it's been a life saver when travelling (and in a pinch as an extra car seat. It packs small, requires no installation, and is very easy to set up. It uses a regular seatbelt system to place the seatbelt in the appropriate place on a child, so that they can use a seatbelt like an adult would. When using this system, it's important that kids sit up straight. If they slouch over, it will not work.
Ours is slightly different than this one (it's blue) but it's the same idea.
The other one that we have been checking out just finished an Indie-Go-Go round, and we are waiting for them to ship us one so we can check it out. It's a British invention called the Mifold Grab-n-Go Booster Seat, and they bill themselves as the first innovation in car seats in 50 years. I'm not sure that I believe it, but it seems like a good idea. (And their video is great!)
It's also not a 5 point harness.
The basic idea is that instead of bringing the car seat up to the position of an adult, it holds the seatbelt down to the kid's level.
The Indie-Go-Go round is over, but I'm sure you'll be able to continue to pre-order mifolds for the foreseeable future.
There's no question that the 5 point harness is safer. But having a car seat, any car seat, when travelling, when in a taxi, or in a pinch is better than none.
If you've got other suggestions, I'd be happy to hear about them in the comments.
On Thursday me and 25 other dads in Chicago (and hundreds of other dads around the country) gathered together to drink beer, eat chicken wings, watch college basketball, and trade dad stories.
Not the ones where you haven't seen your kid all week, and you missed the recital, and now you are going to fix it all with ice cream for dinner-- I'm talking more like "How we found out that my son has Celiac's disease, and why we cook 3 dinners a night to feed our family." Or "which playgrounds in which order we are going to go to, once the weather gets warm." And occasionally some B.K. stories (before kids) Backpacking in Syria or books we read when we had time to read books without pictures.
Oh yes, there were a couple of dirty jokes told as well.
I just moved to Chicago, so I didn't know most of the guys, but it was a pleasure to get to know them in a casual style. In New York, these dad gatherings were in many ways, my non-traditional water cooler at work, where you take a minute to share the news of the day, chat about problems at work, and maybe figure out something that's been bothering you.
Having this peer group is important to me. If you are a stay at home dad, or a dad that needs a peer group. I'd highly recommend checking out City Dads. They have organizations in a number of cities, and if they don't have one in yours, if you are willing to do some work, they'll help you start one!
Thanks Dove Men Care + for sponsoring this event, and getting dads to share and build camaraderie. That's #realstrength.
Please note: A version of this article appeared on the CityDads Blog on Friday. Read that, along with some other dads writing their appreciations of the event across the country.
City Dads Group http://www.citydadsgroup.com 
